Salvation
by Arandil
Summary: What happens when a girl's world is destroyed, literally? Why, she seeks revenge. And along the way, despite herself, she unexpectedly finds friendship and happiness.
1. The Beginning of a Saga ! REVISED

_Since my canon is apparently not the same as George Lucas's canon ever since Revenge of the Sith came out, I have had to rewrite this entire story. While I was in here, I may have tweaked a few other things as well that I was never really happy with. The only **very important** difference between this story and George Lucas's Star Wars Universe is that in my Star Wars, Greedo does NOT shoot first. _

_Anyway, I do not own any part of Star Wars, the characters, places, or the Force or anything else related to it. Those I believe are the property of George Lucas. I wrote this story for enjoyment purposes only. _

_To know which of the first nine chapters I have updated, check my profile page. _

_Read. Enjoy. Review._

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Have you ever laid in bed at night and wondered why your life turned out the way it did? Have you ever thought that maybe you were on a set path and none of your decisions mattered? Did you ever feel that Fate was the master of your existence, and She was, for some unknown reason, gaining enjoyment out of your torment? Did you ever give up hope because of this?

My name is Lana Amorada and this is my story.

I don't want to completely bore you with background, but I feel it is necessary to start with where I come from, if for no other reason than to pay homage to my birth planet and all the people there who were so needlessly destroyed. You see, my home planet was Alderaan. Yes, you have all heard of it, to be sure, but not because of me. Oh no, I'm sure you've heard of another, more famous, Alderaanian by the name of Princess Leia Organa. Everybody has heard of her and if you haven't, come out from the asteroid you've been living in.

But, sorry to disappoint you, this story is not about her, not directly anyway. You see, I've never actually, officially _met_ the Princess. Oh, I saw her countless times during my childhood when I would go to visit my father at work. He was one of the Royal Guard of Alderaan, which, although others may consider it a prestigious career, meant that he got to spend eight hours a day standing in one place and not saying a word.

Yeah, sounds like a dream job to me too.

But because of it, we got to live in the capital city, in a modest home provided to us by the wonderful government. And when I say modest, I of course mean small, cramped and shared with a lovely family of mice who felt that they had as much right to live there as we did. Needless to say, I did not spend a lot of time at home. His job also granted me access to the palace, where I would spend most of my time in the library, instead of out and about; doing whatever it was other women my age were doing.

Oh, I haven't told you about the women of Alderaan yet, have I?

I honestly don't know if I should waste my breath. I'll tell you something though. Later on, when I started to hear stories of the different heroic acts carried out by the Princess, it shocked me. I mean, if she had been like any of these other women, it would have been all about what clothes she was wearing, what man was she being courted by, or what her hair looked like. Although I do have to say, even in my youth, her hair was something that never failed to astonish me.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, the women of Alderaan. In case you haven't yet guessed, I didn't take much liking to their company. I would have, trust me, I would have, if nonsensical babble appealed to me. But, sadly for me, it didn't. So I found myself in solitude most of the time which, in all honesty, was not a bad thing.

I spent most of my alone time in the palace library, as I was saying before. It was a magnificent place, and usually deserted, so I was free to roam around and read as I wished. I read about the grand history of Alderaan, the glory of the Old Republic and many, many other books on subjects of science and nature. The more I read, the less use I had for the other girls my age. I guess my reading was what jaded me. Although, I guess you could also say it was my reading that saved my life.

You see, I found this book about the Jedi. Somehow it survived the purge the Empire executed a while back to rid the galaxy of any information at all about the Jedi. I suppose they were worried someone would come along and learn enough to pose a threat. Either that or it was just that ass Palpatine flexing his oppressive muscle, reminding everyone just how much power the Empire truly had.

I was about eighteen at the time, so the fact that learning about the Jedi was somewhat rebellious excited me. Not to mention the Jedi religion and their so-called Force fascinated me. How powerful were these Jedi that the Empire saw them as such a threat as to have to totally eradicate them? Were any of them still alive? Could anyone learn the ways of the Force? Could I? I dedicated all of my free time to researching it, hungry for more and more knowledge.

I never truly believed in it, not at first. Eventually the initial excitement wore off, especially since I couldn't discuss what I learned with anyone, not even my father. It was far too dangerous to speak openly about a subject the Empire did not approve of. I continued to avidly read books about the Jedi but over time, the reality of their existence became just additional interesting history about the Old Republic. Until one morning on my way to the library…

"Hey look, there's the frumpy book-worm, Lana."

"Oh Lana, have you found a husband in one of your books yet?" I didn't even have to look to know who the two evil witches were behind me. Ok, they weren't evil witches _really_, but most of the time they acted like it.

One of them snickered. "What kind of a man would want to marry _that_?" Ok, yes. Yes, they _were_ evil witches.

I spun around to face the two over-dressed, painted-faced bimbos. "Just because you need a man to do your thinking, doesn't mean the rest of us who actually possess a brain do." They smirked at me, identical gloating expressions on both of their faces, probably not understanding any of the words over one syllable I had just used. I turned back around and proceeded to walk away from them.

The one dim-witted witch turned to her equally obtuse friend. "The only way _she_ would get a man," she giggled nasally, "is if he wrapped her face with a towel so he didn't have to ever look at it." The two ignoramuses exploded into laughter. Honestly, couldn't they have come up with a better insult?

Still, at the time, I sort of lost my temper. I whirled around and threw my arm out, finger pointed, surely about to launch a scathing remark in their direction. That was until I saw a decent sized rock that had been laying about a meter from my foot fly through the air and hit witch number one square in the stomach. She doubled over in pain.

"Hey!" her friend cried, "She just kicked a rock at us!"

Horrified, I felt my pulse start to race. Library forgotten, I ran past them as fast as I could. Although it may have given me great satisfaction, I knew I did _not_ kick a rock at them. I didn't stop running until I reached my home. Once I calmed down, I began to think of possible explanation for what had just happened. One, the one I thought the most implausible, kept returning to the forefront of my mind.

In my anger, could I have, somehow, made that rock fly at her?


	2. Encounter Among the Archives ! REVISED

So I guess I should tell you what I look like, not that it will make much of an impression on you. If someone were to describe me in one word, it would be something like bland, uninteresting, unremarkable. Ok, that was three words, but you get the picture. I have light brown eyes, light brown skin and light brown hair. I generally don't wear bright flashy clothes. I'm not a big fan of standing out in a crowd, and I don't; not usually, anyway. I don't like attracting much attention to myself. It's just easier that way. And yet all this still happened to me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself again. I tend to do that sometimes. I will go back to the day I was speaking of, the day that I realized perhaps there was something to that Jedi religion I had read so much about.

Back at home I frantically paced the length of our small sitting room, thoroughly shaken by the possibility that I made a rock fly thorough the air _without touching it._ After repeatedly telling myself that telekinesis was not physically possible, and not believing a word of it, I decided to go to the palace. I don't know if my original intention was to go to the palace library or if I was going simply because I knew my father would be there and it made me feel safer. Either way, I headed out in the direction of the palace; careful to keep my head down and not make any more weird things happen.

My feet automatically took me to the library. Here, the anxiety over what had happened began to wash away and I felt a familiar calm begin to envelop me. I know it sounds stupid if you are not one of those people who delight in being alone in the tranquil quiet, surrounded by books of history and possibility, but the library always felt like a safe haven to me; one where nobody could bother or hurt me and I could leave my current life and live others through my reading.

But that was not why I was here today. Today, I needed answers. Specifically, what it was that caused that dratted rock to hurl itself through the air. I surely had not heard the end of this little incident and I wanted to be armed with facts and knowledge when and if it came up again. Besides, I needed an explanation to ease my own uncertainty.

I had no sooner assembled several books in piles on the floor and sat down, ready to begin my research, when a voice – a _male_ voice no less – startled me from behind.

"You're Lana, aren't you? Faolan's daughter?"

I jumped up and whirled around to face the owner of the voice, knocking over several piles of books in the process. Much to my surprise, I actually recognized the man standing there. He was the son of one of the other palace guards and much sought after by the ladies of the town. Why, I have no idea, for he did not look anything spectacular to me. But he was young and single, and they were stupid cows.

"What are you doing here?" I narrowed my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips, quite annoyed that I had been interrupted before I even had the chance to start reading.

His laugh startled me, both its quality and the fact that he was _laughing_ at me. "So confrontational, aren't we?" His voice turned mock serious. "But then, I had heard that about you."

His easygoing manner, as well as the fact that he was quite obviously insulting me, continued to aggravate me and I snapped back at him. "I suppose then you have nothing better to do with your buddies than discuss my _confrontational_ manner?"

He smiled and shook his head at me. "Relax, Lana. All I wanted to do was introduce myself, since our fathers work together and I had seen you around." He laughed again. "I didn't expect to have to…"

A sudden burst of giggles coming from the hallway outside interrupted his reparation. We both snapped our heads around to look towards the entrance of the library. I had a funny feeling I knew who I would see walking by. Before anyone came into view, the guy grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me behind one of the larger shelves, knocking over the rest of my piles of books. I pulled against his grip to get free.

"Let go of me, you big lout!"

He motioned urgently with his free hand for me to be quiet. I would have continued to struggle if it hadn't been for the look of pure terror in his eyes. Intrigued by this interesting development, I stopped fighting and followed his gaze through the bookshelf out the door just as the very same two women I encountered earlier passed by.

As the giggling sounds faded, he released my wrist and stepped back out from behind the shelf motioning for me to follow. I carefully walked around my disheveled books, trying to push them into a pile with my foot. I didn't suppose he would stick around long enough to assist in the clean up of the mess he helped to cause. I rubbed my wrist and looked up at him. It didn't help my mood that his expression was once more relaxed and calm.

"Well, that was close," he said with a smile, widening his eyes expressively.

I was not amused. That was it? After all that, that's all I got? My hands once more returned to my hips and I cocked an eyebrow at him. "I think I deserve an explanation. And perhaps a warning next time you decide to handle me so roughly."

He laughed _again_ at me, and then schooled his expression when he must have finally noticed I was not currently appreciating whatever humor he found in the situation. "It's just Mairi and Selia, constantly following me around. If I have to pick up one more of their handkerchiefs that they 'accidentally' drop in my presence…"

He shuddered and I finally began to see _some_ humor. At least I wasn't the only one who couldn't stand those girls.

"As for my rough handling of you, I'm sorry," he continued. "I just didn't want them to spot me and I was afraid that if they saw you they would come in here for the sheer joy of tormenting you."

I laughed at that, against my better judgment before I could stop myself. He seemed pleased with himself at getting me to laugh.

"I'm sure tormenting me, as you say, gives them pleasure." I smirked at him. "Their pea-sized brains can't come up with other amusement, and I guess I'm an easy target."

He gave me a large smile and despite myself, I noticed how it made his eyes crinkle. "Ah, a kindred spirit. I never thought I'd find someone with less love for them than I have." I found myself smiling back at him and quickly looked away. I waited, expecting the clever comment about my confrontational nature, or lack of it now, but it didn't come.

We stood in silence for a few moments before I glanced back up at him. His eyes were narrowed in concentration as if he were searching for something in my face. Uncomfortable under his scrutiny, I dropped my gaze again and saw my books still sprawled all over the floor. I knelt down and began to straighten them up, mostly for something to occupy my mind and my hands, when I heard him speak again.

"Why is it that we've never spoken before?"

I put down the book I was holding and sat back on my feet, completely unsure of how to answer. He knelt down across from me and began to put the books back into their piles. Only then did I look up at him.

"We grew up around each other, Lana, why did we never become friends?"

Well, I knew how to respond to that. My brain went right into autopilot and I slipped back into my usual persona. How I had come out of it to begin with was beyond me.

"I don't have any friends." His sympathetic smile was too much and I went back to straightening my books, not wanting to meet his gaze any longer.

"That's a shame," he said kindly and took the book I was holding. He placed it on the floor and put a hand on my arm. That got me to look up at him. "Everybody should have at least one friend."

His hand on my arm and the way he was looking at me were making me uncomfortable, so the next words tumbled out uncontrolled.

"I don't need any friends." My voice was cold and my eyes narrowed but I only half meant what I said. Unfortunately, all he saw was my facial expression and all he heard were my words.

"Very well," he said tersely as he stood up. "Perhaps someday you will change your mind. I just hope it won't be too late then to find some."

He turned and walked out of the library leaving me to my books at last but for the first time in my life, I had no desire to read. I couldn't help thinking about what he had said, about everyone needing a friend when I realized I hadn't even found out his name.

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_Reviewer responses for chapters 1-9 are being relocated to my livejournal: www dot livejournal dot com slash arandil13._


	3. Look What Followed Me Home

I remained in the library for several hours, and as time passed and I became more engrossed in my research, the sting of the unnamed man's parting words began to fade. Still, as I left to return home I couldn't help pondering what he had said. It consumed my thoughts throughout the entire walk home. I didn't need friends. I had never had any and seemed to be doing all right so far, right? And I was _not_ confrontational. Was I?

As I entered our quaint little mouse-infested house I heard my father call to me from the other room. "Lana, is that you?"

I didn't answer because I didn't feel that such an obvious question warranted a response. Hey, at least I didn't say something snarky or sarcastic. I do have _some_ respect for authority. I sat down ungracefully on the worn old couch that dominated most of the room.

A moment later, my father entered the front room and after giving me a scathing look for sitting in what was most definitely a manner 'unbecoming to a lady' in his opinion, asked yet another obvious question.

"What, were you at the library all this time?" He smiled warmly at me, ever tolerant of my peculiar inclination to spend inordinate amounts of time pouring through books. Well, peculiar compared to the other mindless women in the…oh never mind. I'm not going to start with that again.

Still, I was in a perverse mood, mostly from my earlier encounter with a mystery man, not to mention the whole rock incident, and I was in no condition for polite conversation. "No, father, I was having tea with the princess. We were discussing how I might wear my hair for the harvest festival." I said _some_ respect, not _heaps_ of it.

I heard him sigh and felt instant remorse for my words. I loved my father, and _did_ respect him, quite a bit, but he usually bore the brunt of my bitterness and sarcasm when I was in a mood. He did so patiently and good-naturedly, which only served to make my self-reproach worse after the fact. I smiled meekly up at him in a silent apology and started again.

"Yes, father, I was at the library." I thought about telling him of what happened earlier, with the rock and all, but decided against it. He had plenty of his own problems to worry about and I wasn't about to burden him with my own. Instead, I abruptly changed the conversation. "Have you any preferences for dinner tonight?"

"No, Lana, whatever you like." I stood and started towards the kitchen when I heard him call. "Oh and Lana," I turned back to face him and noticed that his eyes were crinkled and his mouth was pursed in a mischievous smile. "I made sure there were no rocks in there." He raised his eyebrows at me. "It wouldn't do to have you go throwing them around breaking what little plates and glasses as we have." My mouth dropped in shock at the fact that he knew of the incident already and was _joking_ about it.

"I didn't _throw_…" I began.

"It's ok," he interrupted. "I'm sure you were provoked. And besides," his smile broadened, "I'm sure Keiran and Delano's daughters deserved whatever they got." He winked then and sat down, opening up a book that had been lying on the table next to the couch. I took the indication that our conversation was over, and he was not angry, and went into our small kitchen in the back of the house to start dinner.

I hadn't been in the kitchen long when my father came back to join me, an unusual look on his face. I stopped my supper preparations and gave him my full attention, partly because I was still sorry for my earlier temper, partly because whatever he had to say was sure to be interesting, judging by his expression. In this I was not mistaken.

"Lana, there appears to be a gentleman at our door." My first thought was that I hadn't even heard a knock. My second was why is he telling me this. My third was that the gentleman must have asked for me. My fourth was panic! My fifth was…

"Lana?" My father's questioning tone effectively stopped any an all of my thoughts and I returned focus back to him.

"Father?" I parroted back in much the same tone that he had just used.

He ignored this and gave me a puzzled look. "I know you heard what I said, and yet you stand there and stare at me as if you did not."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, relenting to play the guessing game he was apparently angling for. "Fine…why is there a gentleman at our door?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You tell me." I frowned at him, not understanding. "Apparently, he was in your company earlier, for he claims to be returning a handkerchief that you had dropped."

I punched my fists against my hips and regarded my father with a none-too-patient look. "Father, you know as well as I do that I don't own any handkerchiefs."

He smiled cunningly at me. "That I do. Which is what makes this so interesting. I asked to make sure he had the right house, which he insists that he does, so I had hoped that you could shed some light on this situation."

I sighed again, removing my hands from my hips and folding my arms across my chest. "I suppose, then, you want me to go talk to him." His only response was to smile deviously at me. "Oh all right," I relented and started towards the door. "Keep an eye on dinner." I said in parting.

I entered the front room and saw this gentleman standing close to the front door, his back turned towards me. I crossed my arms across my chest and addressed him. "Can I help you?"

As he turned around I heard a gasp escape my lips and quickly schooled the look of shock I could feel on my face. "You!" I exclaimed. Yes, it wasn't my most brilliant oration, but give me a break. I was stunned into stupidity.

He smiled meekly at me. "Me." I stood there and narrowed my eyes at him, his earlier parting words and manner itching at my patience. "I came to return your handkerchief." He extended a hand to me and I noticed it was grasping a dainty lady's handkerchief. I didn't move to take it from him. Apparently, this was amusing to him because I saw a ghost of a smile cross his lips.

It wasn't amusing to me. "I don't own any handkerchiefs."

"Oh," he said plainly, but his manner and voice indicated that he knew this and my irritation grew. He placed the handkerchief on the arm of the couch. "My mistake." He grinned annoyingly at me. "Well, while I'm here…"

I didn't let him finish. I had no desire to find out what he intended to do 'while he was here'. "We were just sitting down to dinner."

He smiled again at me. "How kind of you to invite me to stay for dinner, after all we just met."

I tried to interrupt again. He knew damn well that I hadn't just invited him to dinner. "I didn't mean to…"

"I would be _delighted_ to have dinner with you and your father." The guy would just not be stopped. And the most infuriating part was that he was thoroughly _enjoying_ himself, the bastard.

"You aren't welcome to…"

"It would be an honor and a _privilege_ to eat with such esteemed…"

"STOP!" I couldn't take it anymore. He came to my house on a false premise, and then proceeded to…to…I don't even _know_ what he was doing, but I was certainly not enjoying it. If this is what having friends was like then I was right, I was better off without. I took a deep breath after my outburst and glared right at him, a move that usually caused people to look away, but he returned my gaze, completely unfazed. "I think you need to leave." I said as coldly as I could manage.

Only then did he hang his head. He looked back up at me and smiled apologetically. "Look, Lana, I was just teasing. I came here to apologize for storming out before." He shrugged. "You're just so easy to get going, I couldn't resist."

I continued to glare at him, but against my own will I felt a smile start to creep across my face for I knew what he said was true. I bit it back, lest it get around that I was turning soft.

"But," he continued, "If you want me to leave…" he shrugged again and turned to walk out. Against my better judgement I called out to him.

"Wait." He turned back around with a triumphant smile on his face. I guess I could let that go just this once. "If you want, you can stay for dinner." He stood there and beamed at me, and the fact that eating my cooking could make anyone so happy just blew my mind. "But…" He stopped smiling like a fool at last. "Only if you promise, no more teasing."

He turned his face into mock defeat. "I guess I won't be staying for dinner then. That's a promise I can't give."

I shook my head at him and let out an exasperated sigh, completely baffled as to what to do with him. I turned to go back to the kitchen and called back over my shoulder, "Dinner's in five minutes."

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Mecurial1 - Hi! Thanks for the review. This guy _is_ intriguing. And I _swore_ this was not going to be a romance! It's not! I mean it! I wanted to do a drama or an action/adventure or something, _anything_ other than romance, but these kids…I don't know shrug hormones or something. I'm fighting it with everything I have, but I feel the pull…resistance is futile…we'll see where it goes. Although, I have to say, writing a man as a love interest would be a refreshing change from the pain-in-the-ass _elf_ I've been dealing with for the past few months in my other story.

Darren - Thanks for the review. I'm not sure where it's going to lead either, since I'm posting as I'm writing. I _love_ tension and angst and the sort, as you would well know if you read my other story. Oh but that's right, you're not a LotR fan…hide just kidding. Anyway, we'll see where it leads. As for the bit about being confrontational, I need somehow for her to grow as a character. Maybe it is something she will grow out of. Hmm, wonder _why_ she is so confrontational. Ah…muse! Got to go work on that!


	4. Seeds of Friendship

Dinner was interesting. The fun began even before the meal did. We were just sitting down to dinner and my father, observant creature that he was, turned to me.

"I see that you've invited your friend to dinner." He seemed just a little too pleased with this.

"He's not my friend." I quickly replied, frowning at my father and thoroughly not appreciating the fact that he was seemingly happy with the new dinner situation.

"Lana doesn't have any friends." Mr. Uninvited said as plainly as if he was stating an unarguable fact such as 'the sky is blue' or 'the ladies of Alderaan are idiots.' I turned and glared at him, this unwelcome visitor in my home, my arms already folded across my chest. Undaunted by this, he smiled at me, the picture of all innocence, and shrugged. "That's what you told me."

"And I suppose you are now the wealth of all knowledge about me and my life." This man was so irritating; I had never met anyone like him. Why wouldn't he just go away?

My father, sensing that my foul mood was not improving because of this conversation, interrupted then, speaking soothingly to me. "Easy, Lana." I turned my glare on him, honestly having forgotten he was in the room until he spoke. How was it that this man could demand so much of my attention that I forgot someone else was there?

Apparently, my father's words did not affect the man, because he responded to me as if my father had never spoken. "I know far more about you than you would think." His voice was quiet, and his expression was still serene, but there was something about his eyes that were at odds with his outward expression.

His whole bearing, and his assuming words, infuriated me further. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my father close his eyes and drop his head in frustration, but I paid him no heed. "You know _nothing_ about me."

The man raised an eyebrow at me and folded his arms across his chest, mirroring my pose, although his mouth was still curved in a smile. "At least I know your name."

"Shall we eat?" My father, ever the peacemaker, was trying, but we already had all the force of a snowball rolling down the hill. There was too much momentum for the conversation to just stop now.

I ventured a quick glance at my father before glaring back at the man. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He didn't answer me but turned to my father. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. I think you are right, and we should begin to eat." My father was apparently satisfied with that and began to walk with him to the table, but I most certainly was not placated.

"What is _that_ supposed to _mean_?" I repeated, louder and angrier than the first time. They both stopped walking and I could see my father's back tense, knowing that I was not going to let the matter drop. Slowly the man turned around and if I hadn't been so determined to win the argument I would have been taken aback, for it was the first time that I saw him that there was no mirth at all in his expression.

"What's my name, Lana?" He stood there and looked at me with a face completely devoid of any emotion. I think I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but I can't be sure. I know I didn't say anything, one of the few times in my life that I had been rendered speechless. Half of his mouth curled up, but there was no joy in his smile. "Well, what's my name?"

We stood there for a moment; eyes locked with each other's before my father hastily turned around to face me. "His name is Bowen." He turned to the man, Bowen. "Shall we eat now?" I will give him credit; he was really trying to keep everything smooth and peaceful.

Bowen, as it were, and I held our gaze for a few moments longer before he broke it and looked at my father. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Faolan." And without another look at me, he turned to the table and sat down.

My father gave me an encouraging smile and motioned for me to join them. Severely dazed after having been beaten in a contest of words, I silently took my place at the table.

The tension that had grown in the air was short lived, for my father and Bowen had much to speak of to each other. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that they got on so well. After all, my father did work with Bowen's father in the Royal Guard. I ate my dinner in silence, which was an oddity for me, but I had nothing to say, and much as I was loathe to admit it, I was enjoying hearing the two of them talk of the goings on in the palace.

When dinner was over, I began to clear the plates, but my father stopped me. "Lana, why don't you and Bowen go sit outside. It's a beautiful evening, and we may not have many more like it this year, for winter is fast approaching."

I knew what he was trying to do, but after the little scene before dinner I was in no state to fight with anyone about anything, so I just shrugged. "If you're sure you don't need help in here."

My father shook his head no, and went into the kitchen carrying some plates. I turned to Bowen and realized that for the second time that night, I was at a loss for words.

Finally, after thoroughly berating myself for my sudden lack of mental skills, I frowned at him and said the only thing that came into my head. "Well are you coming?"

He turned a scrutinizing look on me and regarded me for a few moments. "You really had no idea, did you?" I didn't respond and he shook his head. "Are you really _that_ oblivious to the world outside of your books?"

His words struck a nerve, sounding entirely too much like so many encounters with the bitter, stupid women of the town. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm going outside. Yes, believe it or not, I _do_ go outside. I don't just sit inside and read. Believe what you want about me, I don't care. If you want to listen to those stuck-up, half-witted, narrowminded…"

"Lana!" His exclamation startled me out of my rant. He stood up and came over to me and grabbed both of my shoulders. I felt my body stiffen at the touch, but he didn't make any indication that he noticed. I looked up at him with my lips pursed and saw that he was regarding me with a puzzled look. "Why are you so quick to take offense?"

I stepped back and pulled out of his grasp. "Why are you so quick to be an ass?" I smirked at him and turned and walked out of the little house. I expected him to come outside. I also expected him to ignore me and leave, never to talk to me again.

He did come outside. But instead of leaving, he came over and sat down next to me on the bench that I had sat myself down on. He turned to sit sideways so he could look at me, but I continued to face front. He ignored that fact, and spoke to me anyway.

"I'm sorry that you think I'm an ass. I didn't come over here to anger you, or upset you. I didn't talk to you in the library this afternoon for those reasons either."

As he took a breath, I turned to him. "Why did you, then?"

He smiled warmly at me, and I wondered at how it was that he didn't hate me by this point. "I did it because I wanted to be your friend."

"My friend?" I was incredulous. Never had anybody made this much effort to get to know me, or claim to want to be my friend. Most people minded their business, and I never had reason to take issue with that, or try to change it. "Why?"

He laughed, and I found myself fascinated with the heartiness of the sound of it. "You're so _interesting_." He smiled and put a hand on my shoulder when he saw that I took mild offense to that. "No, that's a good thing. Most people around here are all the same. You're like a breath of fresh air."

Thoroughly embarrassed by what he just said, I dropped my head, but I could not help the smile that was spreading across my face. There are probably hundreds of answers that he could have given to that question, but he managed to pick the exact right one to completely disarm me.

I'm pretty sure he realized this, because when I was able to look back up at him, he had what could only be described as a triumphant smile on his face. For once, I smiled back at him, happy, but shocked, that I had one friend in the world. Maybe he was right, maybe everyone did need at least one friend.

After a moment he stood up, and looking up at the sky he sighed deeply before turning back to me. "I hate to do this, but I have to get going home."

A pang of disappointment hit me, effectively shocking my system, for it was the last thing I expected to feel. But nonetheless, I felt it, and it further unbalanced my already teetering emotions. I stood up and nodded in agreement. "It _is_ getting late."

"Well then, until we meet again, _friend_ Lana." He gave me a jaunty wink and I couldn't help but laugh at his mannerisms.

"Ok…" I hesitated to use the word, but there was no way around it after he said it. "_friend_ Bowen." He smiled broadly at this, pivoted on his heels and began to walk down the path, stopping once to turn and wave.

I waved back, and as he faded from view I shook my head, both at him, and at my own behavior as of late. I turned and walked back into the house to be greeted by my father.

"Has Bowen left already? You _were_ courteous to him out there, weren't you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of _course_, father." I said to him, smiling due to my unusually good mood. "In fact, after all that, he _still_ wants to be my friend."

My father raised his eyebrows at me. "Your _friend_?" He shook his head and his eyes were filled with doubt. "Are you sure that's all?"

I narrowed my eyes at my father. "Why _wouldn't_ that be all?"

"Well," he began, his eyes twinkling; "He's making quite an effort for someone who merely wants to be your friend." I stood and stared at my father in shock. He smiled at that, kissed my forehead and turned to go to bed, calling over his shoulder, "Have a good sleep."

I stood and stared after him for a while, and then my eye caught sight of the handkerchief still lying on the arm of the sofa. I walked over and picked it up, examining it as if it could give me answers. My father had no idea what he was talking about. The idea that Bowen wanted anything more than to be my friend was purely ridiculous. I was able to push that thought out of my head, but the seed that my father had planted remained there, dormant, ready to grow if it were so encouraged.

* * *

Mercurial1 - Finally, a name! Oh, and NO! NO MORE ELVES! Men are hard enough to understand. Male elves are just brutal to write. I'm still resisting romance, this WILL be more action in the future, I'm just trying to set up characters and stuff before I make stuff happen to them.

Darren - Um…she _was_ in the library. But he probably knew about the rock thing because he works with the girls' fathers. I don't know if I said that in the story yet or not, but it will come about later. It's not really important. That was more just to show how fast news travels here.


	5. Confrontation

When I woke up the next day, I knew I had to get back on track. I got up early, but I still missed my father before he left for work. I wanted to talk to him about the whole rock incident that had happened the morning before. Yes, it had only been one day. It's amazing how much can happen in a day.

So I went back to the library with the intention of doing research. Now, you may be wondering how it is that I had so much leisure time with which to hang around libraries and propel small objects at women I don't particularly get on with. Well, whether you are wondering or not I'm going to tell you, so you'd better just deal with it.

I should have been in my last year of University. All of the other girls my age were, which kept them occupied for most of the week. Gossip and their hair kept them occupied for the rest. But anyway, I managed to finish a semester early, and so had a whole semester free before I would have to choose a profession and go into apprenticeship, or go to secondary school.

I knew I wasn't going to secondary school. Although it masqueraded as academic, it was really just a place for the women to go to meet husbands. I had no place there. I contemplated many professions, but the one I was seriously considering at the time of the "rock incident" was Interplanetary Shuttle Pilot. Yes, girls can be pilots, so don't even start.

But as I walked to the library that crisp fall morning, the word 'Jedi' kept entering into my head. I knew I was considered old to begin Jedi training, but I couldn't stop my mind from wandering there. The possibility that I could become a Jedi was too exciting not to ponder. If, in fact, it turned out that I had any powers and if the whole thing yesterday wasn't somehow an accident.

So once again I found myself in the library looking for answers. This time, however, it wasn't research I was planning in order to find those answers. Oh no, I was bent on experimentation. I grabbed a sizable book and went as far back into the stacks as I possibly could, hiding myself from the view of anybody that would possibly come in. There I sat, on the floor, with the book laying several feet away from me.

I probably looked ridiculous, sitting there, staring intently at a book lying on the floor, but I had to know. Either the book would move, or, well, I don't know or what. But I had to try. I don't know how long I sat there staring at that damn book, without a twitch of movement from it may I add, when I heard a voice behind me.

"You know, it works better when you open them up."

I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "Why?" That was all I could say. I wasn't even really talking to him, more to the greater powers of the universe. Why did this man insist on tracking me down and interrupting when I was quite obviously in the middle of something? He obviously thought I was talking to him though, and felt the need to respond to my rhetorical question.

"Well, then at least you can see the words." I turned to see him grinning at me, proud of the joke he apparently thought he just made. I couldn't help but smile at his foolishness and shake my head at him.

"I meant…oh never mind." It dawned on me that he should be in classes with everyone else, and not here harassing me. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

He smiled at me in the way that made his eyes crinkle. "Career day." He shrugged. "I'm here seeing what it would be like to be in the Royal Guard."

"Why?" I asked, and I couldn't help but hear the amount of disdain I had in my voice. He heard it too, and he stiffened at my words.

"Because that's what I'm going to be." He frowned at me. "What's wrong with the Royal Guard? Both of our fathers are in it."

I could see that he had been stung by my words, and I completely did not understand. "Don't you want more than that? Don't you want to get off this planet, and see the galaxy?"

He folded his arms across his chest. "Oh and I supposed that whatever you've decided to do with your life will accomplish that for you."

"It just may." I folded my arms, mirroring his stance and stuck my chin out at him in a defiant pose.

He smirked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "And just what profession would that be?"

I could have said 'Interplanetary Shuttle Pilot.' I could have. It probably would have shut him up and the conversation would have been over and I could have gotten back to my little experiment. But no, when have I ever taken the easy way?

"I'm going to be a Jedi." I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, even before he started guffawing at me like a buffoon.

"A Jedi?" He managed somehow to choke out between gasps for air. He continued his antics and I tapped my foot impatiently at him He finally brought himself under control and wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes. "Oh Lana, that was rich."

I stood and glared at him and he eventually realized that I was not joking, and that I was not at all amused that he had just laughed uproariously at me. He stopped smiling and looked at me skeptically.

"You weren't kidding, were you?" I did not answer him, but continued to glare, my arms still folded across my chest. After a bit more staring dumbly at me, he went on. "You _do_ realize that you can't just decide to be a Jedi, right? They have a way of knowing, and they come and select _you_, not the other way around."

I was spared from answering him due to the high-pitched squealing giggles coming from just outside the library. Bowen seemed to just deflate in front of me. He slumped his shoulders and dropped his head into his hand in a look of utter defeat.

I caught his eye and grimaced at him. "Tell me they're here because _they_ want to be Royal Guards as well."

He sighed the sigh of someone who has been much harassed. "No, they're here so that I can ask to escort Mairi to the harvest festival."

I dropped his gaze. "Oh." I didn't know how else to respond to that. Here was my supposed friend, asking a girl who had been a nightmare to me for most of my life to go to a festival with him.

"Hey," he said sharply and I looked back up at him. "I don't _want_ to ask her. They just won't stop pestering me."

"Oh." I repeated. How was it that he could rob me of any intelligent thought processes? This was twice, now.

"Um…" His eyes darted among the stacks of books. "Cover for me." He quickly ducked behind one of the stacks, and before I could ask him what he was talking about, I heard another voice behind me.

"Oh, look at who it is! You're looking especially _foul_ today, Lana." I took a deep breath before I turned around. This was sure to be an unpleasant experience, and I couldn't even truly spat with them. I had to keep in mind that whatever I said, Bowen would be able to hear it. I was about to say something back when Bowen's words came into my head. 'Cover for me,' he had said.

"Bowen's not here."

The two girls laughed at me. "Of course he's not here!" the one said back to me. "We came to see you."

I stared blankly at them for a moment, trying to figure out what power of the universe I had angered to warrant this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to subdue my anger and annoyance with them. I opened my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.

"Why?"

The blonde one glared at me, and if I didn't know how little use of her brain she had, I may have been intimidated. "We heard you had dinner with Bowen last night."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Seriously, if being his friend was going to cause me to have to talk to these dogs, I would pass on the friendship thing. "And?"

The brown-haired girl stepped forward. "And you'd better back off." She had the nerve to push her finger in my face. "He's going with Mairi to the festival," she indicated the other girl, "so don't get any ideas."

I remember thinking many things at this time. I remember thinking of several retorts, most of which involved the getting of ideas, and their lack of ability to do so. I remember trying to think to myself, 'Mairi, blond; Selia, brunette,' so that I knew which one I was pummeling should future opportunities arise. I also remember a small part of my brain reminding me that Bowen was listening, and to keep that in mind when I responded.

Instead of any of these thoughts prevailing, I turned to Mairi (blonde) and heard myself saying in as sweet a mocking tone as I could manage, "Aww, it's too bad he hasn't asked you…"

I saw a flash of anger in her eyes before she composed herself and smiled just as sweetly back at me, shaking her head. "Poor, poor Lana. You honestly think he has any interest in you?" Selia laughed and Mairi, encouraged by her friend, continued, stepping closer and speaking in a dangerously quiet tone. "Don't get any ideas, you ugly little wench. If he has any interest in you, it's for one thing only. He will use you and throw you away like the dirty little whore that you are."

Before I had a chance to react, she and Selia ran out of the library, giggling to themselves at their perceived victory. I felt my blood boil, and it was probably best that they did so, because I was mad enough to strangle one of them. I heard Bowen behind me reluctantly coming out from behind the shelves.

I whirled around, shouting at him. "Did you _hear_ what they just _said_ to me!" As I completed my turn I saw his astonished face as he jumped out of the way of the book that had flown from its position on the floor, at least two meters away from me, and slammed against the wall behind him.

Shock effectively removed any anger I was feeling and I stood staring at him, with my mouth hanging open. We both stood staring at each other for several minutes in silent shock before I managed to speak.

"Did you just see that?" I was barely able to whisper. He was not even able to speak and he just stood there and nodded at me. We stood there a few more moments before he shook his head, apparently trying to collect himself. When he spoke to me, his voice was cool and he would not meet my gaze.

"I need to leave. I have to get back." With that he walked out of the library without a backward glance towards me.

* * *

_I was in a cruddy mood today, so Mairi came out much nastier than she was originally intended. But it works, I think. Thank you for your reviews! They make me happy and keep me motivated to write!_

**Mercurial1**: Bob, ha! I guess this chapter sort of answered your question? Just don't judge him too harshly, he still has time to redeem himself. Oh, and btw, the jury is still out on the whole romance thing. Maybe I'll give in later on in the story, but I don't want this to be strictly a romance. I want some kind of story outside of romance, similar to the _real_ Star Wars. There was romance, but it wasn't the whole story.

**Darren**: Yes, yes, he has a name now. And you _don't_ know they're going to hook up because _I_ don't know if they're going to hook up.


	6. Aftermath

I can remember two instances in my life when I cried. The first was the day I found out that my mother was not ever going to come home. I remember sitting on the couch next to my father, clutching desperately to her favorite jacket and crying until my eyes ran dry. I was six.

The second time comes into play later on in this story.

If I had been the crying type, I would most definitely have been sitting on the library floor, weeping a river. But I was not. Crying was for babies and stupid girls who insult me so badly and get me so riled up that I lose my temper, causing objects to fly through the air and scare off the only person that I ever even considered calling a friend.

Oh no, I did not cry, but don't think for a moment I wasn't effected.

After Bowen left I considered going after him, but thought better of it. What would I say? 'Surprise! I can make things fly at people when I'm mad. Still want to be my friend?' I don't think so. Better just to let him go and forget that I ever even talked to him. Except that was easier said than done.

Eventually, after staring at the book that had flown across the room for what was probably the good portion of ten minutes, I decided to leave the library, not to look for Bowen but to return home. I was not going to get anything else accomplished that day. Besides, I had already done what I had set out to do. I proved that the incident the day before was not a fluke.

But honestly, what did it matter? The person I, for some strange reason, wanted to share it with would probably never talk to me again.

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I spent the next two weeks much as I had spent most of my life. I went to the library or I went to sit by the lake, then I went home to cook dinner for my father. He never asked why Bowen didn't come around again, which was probably for the best. I was trying my hardest to pretend that nothing had changed, and being reminded by my father of the one thing that had would have shattered my little lie to myself.

The morning of the festival I woke up in a foul mood. I hadn't planned on attending, but since I was feeling especially perverse, I figured it might be fun to go and see who I could run into. I dressed quickly and headed for the door when I saw that stupid handkerchief sitting on the table by my bed.

If you asked me why I picked it up and stuffed it in my pocket, I would not have been able to tell you. I'm still not quite sure. Maybe I thought I might need it. Maybe I believed it would be of use when I was looking for something to strangle certain other women with. Or maybe it represented something I needed to hold on to.

Sure; right. Maybe I had just lost my mind.

Whatever the reason, handkerchief in pocket, I left the house and headed towards the festival. I went alone since my father was already there on duty, working on his day off. Have I mentioned yet how wonderful his job was? At any rate, as I approached and could see all the people dressed up like dolls I felt less and less like actually being there. That was, until I saw them. Three figures in brown hooded robes.

Jedi.

There were Jedi at the festival! My heart caught in my throat and I froze in place. I could feel my hands get all clammy. I had never been this nervous or excited in my whole life, but there were Jedi!

I took a deep breath and started walking towards the grounds again. By the time I got there, the Jedi had disappeared into the crowd. I wandered around, trying to decide if I should go find them or my father when I felt a hand grab my arm and swing me around.

I got ready to fight of this person who had the nerve to touch me, to invade my personal space, until I realized I was standing face to face with my father. I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Don't _do_ that!" He released my arm and I put my hands on my hips. "You scared me half to death."

He smiled apologetically at me and then his manner abruptly changed and he looked around nervously. "I think you should go home."

I looked around to see what was making my usually calm and easygoing father nervous and, finding nothing, rolled my eyes at him. "Oh come on, father. Surely you have enough faith that I won't cause _too_ much of a scene today." I tried to tease.

He grabbed my arm and walked me towards the edge of the fairgrounds. "I'm serious, Lana. There are Jedi here."

"So?" I shrugged at him, not understanding why Jedi would make _him_ nervous. Me, I could understand, but him? Sure, their presence was intimidating and they hadn't been expected at the festival, but having been a palace guard he had plenty of dealings with Jedi over the years.

He lowered his voice ominously. "They were looking for _you_."

Now I began to share the same fear and uncertainty that my father was expressing. "_Me_?" What could they want with me? Did they know about the rock? The book? Was that bad? Was I in serious trouble? How would they have found out?

I pressed my lips together as a name came almost instantly to my mind. The name I had been, for two weeks, trying to permanently eradicate from my memory. Bowen. That bastard sold me out. He was the only one who knew anything about it, and I had been _stupid_ enough to tell him I wanted to be a Jedi, and _undisciplined_ enough to let him see me lose my temper.

He was going to pay. If I was going down, if the Jedi had come to take me away and punish me for whatever crime it was to propel objects through the air, it was not going to be before I taught that little son of a bitch a lesson.

I pulled free of my father's grasp and stormed angrily back into the melee of people. I heard my father calling my name from behind me and I realized he had begun to follow. I quickened my step, weaving in and out of people, keeping an eye out for the Jedi, lest I be intercepted before I had my way with that arrogant pig of a man.

After a while of searching, I finally saw him. And wasn't that a pretty picture, he was arm in arm with that stupid blonde dog, Mairi. Wasn't life just perfect? They probably set me up. The two of them were a perfect pair. I pushed through the last of the crowd to get to them. I couldn't control my anger any longer and I reached up, put my hands on his back and shoved him from behind as hard as I could.

He whirled around and I saw his face turn from anger to shocked recognition when he saw me. "Lana!" He glanced quickly at Mairi and then back at me.

"Surprised to see me?" I asked angrily. "Did you expect they would have caught me already? Taken me away? Gotten me out of your hair by now?" I could hear my voice raising with each question but I was too far enraged to care.

"Bowen!" Mairi squealed unattractively. "She's frightening me!"

At that moment, my father decided to show up and grabbed my arm, trying to pull me away. "Come, Lana, lets go home."

I pulled back and shouted. "Not 'til he and I have it out!" I continued to pull against my father, who was trying to physically remove me from the scene. "You bastard, you said you were my friend!" I tried to ignore the fact that Mairi was cowering behind him now, one hand on his waist, the other on his arm, and the sick feeling it was giving me in the pit of my stomach. I tried to ignore the fact that it was something other than just anger that was fueling my emotions. I tried to ignore the pleas from my father to just come with him. I continued to try and get at Bowen.

"I was your friend, Lana." His voice was strangely soothing and he looked like he was about to continue but before I could be taken in again, I shouted back at him.

"_Was_? For how long? As long as it took to find a way to get rid of me?" I was fighting a losing battle against my father's pull so I decided to force Bowen's hand. "_You_ contacted the Jedi, didn't you?"

He reached out an appeasing hand towards me. "Yes, but…"

"No!" I shouted, smacking his hand away and narrowed my eyes. "I'll see you in hell, Bowen," I growled at him before I turned, allowing my father to guide me home.

* * *

_Oh my, it took me a whole month to update. I got kind of wrapped up in revisions and rewrites of my Captain of the Guard story and got sucked in head first to the larger world of Tolkien fan fiction outside the realm of It's a little scary and a lot overwhelming and didn't leave me any time for this story. Besides, my muses had gone missing there for a while, but apparently my Lanamuse is back, so we are all good now. She's already blabbing on about the next chapter so, time willing, that should be out shortly._

_Thank you, as always, for reading & reviewing!_

**Mercurial1**: Well, I think this chapter answered both of your questions. Sort of. We still don't know why Bowen did what he did, and the Jedi haven't found Lana yet. I'm not so sure about romance after this chapter. She's pretty pissed.

**Darren**: Wow, when did you become a Star Wars nerd? Midichlorian count? Impressive…most impressive… I'm glad you think I'm on a great path. Now, if I could only get you to appreciate the beauty of Tolkien, we'd be all set.


	7. The Start of Goodbye

We never made it home.

The Jedi caught up with us just outside the festival grounds. My father stood protectively in front of me and for once I was not offended by it. He reached out his open palms to the Jedi, signaling that he had nothing to hide and would cooperate with them. Funny, since I knew that if he thought I was in danger, he most definitely would not.

"How may I help you, Masters…?"

"Lotessa and Widen." the first Jedi said, indicating the other two standing behind him. He pulled down his hood. "And I am Artan Naroc." He inclined his head respectfully towards my father as the other two removed their hoods as well. It was then that I saw something that momentarily removed the fear I had been experiencing since the Jedi intercepted us.

Jedi Master Lotessa was a woman.

My mind reeled in shock. A woman Jedi? The tiniest flicker of hope began to ignite before I could stamp it out.

"We have been notified that your daughter possesses some abilities that may be of interest to us. Would you permit us to spend some time with her?"

"Abilities?" My father sounded quite wary. He turned to face me. "What abilities?"

I glanced quickly at the three Jedi and then back at my father. "You remember a few weeks ago when I 'threw' a rock at those girls?" My father frowned and nodded slowly. "I didn't exactly _throw_ the rock. It moved without me touching it. And then it happened again the next day in the library with a book. Not at anybody; it just hit a wall."

The beginnings of understanding began to show on my father's face. "Bowen knew of this." I nodded. "And he contacted them." He indicated the Jedi and I nodded again, realizing that I may have been hasty in my assessment of what Bowen had done.

"If you would excuse me," my father and I both turned to look at the Jedi that spoke; Master Widen. "Lana, what were the circumstances surrounding these two events?"

I looked nervously at my father. What would he think about me losing my temper, again, and causing these things to happen?

Master Lotessa took a step forward. "Don't be afraid, child. We just want to know what happened. You are not in any trouble." Something about her words and her voice was extremely calming, and I was no longer afraid to tell them what happened.

"I was angry. Both times."

I saw the three Jedi exchange glances. Was it bad that I was angry? Master Lotessa turned to my father and me again.

"Lana, would you like to come with us? You are slightly older than we usually prefer, but since you have achieved telekinesis without any formal training, you definitely have the aptitude to join the Academy."

I couldn't believe this was happening! Would I like to come with them? Of _course_ I would like to come with them. I was about to say this when I thought of leaving my father behind. I was all he had. I turned to look at him and he gave me an encouraging smile.

"Go, Lana, if it is what you want."

I turned back to the Jedi, who were now smiling at me. I could barely contain my excitement. "Yes, I'd like to come."

"But first," we all turned to look at my father. "Lana has someone she needs to go talk to." He looked pointedly at me. "You need to apologize." He said quietly. I nodded at him and he looked at the Jedi. "Please, come. I can fix you some food and drink at my home until she returns, if you don't mind the slight delay."

"We do not mind. Lead the way." So as my father led the Jedi off to our wonderfully accommodating home, I headed back to the festival to seek out Bowen.

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I found him sitting on a bench, facing away from me. Mairi must have left him for the time being because he was alone. I was not used to apologizing for my actions, and I was unsure how to act or what to say. I slowly walked towards him, trying to come up with appropriate words. By the time I reached him, none had come to mind.

I stood there silently in front of him, but he did not look at me, continuing to gaze off into the crowd. Finally he turned cold eyes on me.

"I suggest you speak if you have something to say, otherwise I see no reason for you to remain here."

Momentarily taken aback by the harshness of his voice and words, I found myself nervously rubbing my palms on the sides of my legs. Still at a loss for words, I looked down at the ground as if it would tell me what to say.

"Well?"

"I don't know what to say." I looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry would be a good place to start."

"I'm sorry, Bowen."

He laughed bitterly. "So am I."

I felt my temper rise. "What is that supposed to mean?" He shook his head and looked away again, but not before I saw the hurt look in his eyes. What did he have to be hurt about? My reaction was completely normal. "You stormed out on me two weeks ago, I haven't heard from you since, and then Jedi show up looking for me. What was I supposed to think?"

He stood and turned to face me in one fluid movement. "Did it ever occur to you that I contacted them to _help_ you? No. You immediately assume that I was trying to harm you in some way." He shook his head. "Forget it, Lana. Go. Be a Jedi. I hope it makes you happy." He turned his back and sat down on the bench, arms folded across his chest, indicating that the conversation was over.

Oh no, I was not finished with him yet.

"Help me?" I nearly shouted. "If you were trying to help me, why didn't you tell me what you were doing? Why did you ignore me for the past two weeks? And…and why did you come here with that…that…_girl_?" I honestly don't know what that last question had to do with anything, but it came out of my mouth nonetheless, and got him to turn around.

"What, would you have liked me to ask _you_?" He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for an answer; challenging me, almost. What was I supposed to say to that?

"I don't know. It would have been better than going with _her_."

"You never cease to amaze me, Lana. The only reason to go with me would be to prevent me going with someone you dislike."

I thought about earlier; about the way it felt to see that evil girl touching him so familiarly. I thought about telling him this, but decided against it. What good would it have done anyway?

"I thought you disliked her too."

"Look," he said and grabbed my hands, pulling me down to sit with him on the bench. "I was there in the library, remember? I heard what they said to you. I knew that they would continue to harass you until I asked Mairi to come to this thing." He shrugged. "I didn't come around because I knew they would be bitter about it and take it out on you, and you were going to leave anyway, so I figured if I could spare you any more run-ins with you two least favorite people during your remaining weeks here, I would do so."

It made sense, sort of. It still didn't change the way I had felt for the last two weeks, and how annoyed those feelings had made me. I was about to tell him this when he started speaking again.

"Besides, I figured it would be easier when you left if we didn't become too close."

I smiled sadly at him. "It's not going to be easy for me to leave."

"I meant for me."

I dropped my eyes and realized he was still grasping my hands. Suddenly nervous about this, I tried to pull them away, but he gripped them harder, causing me to look up at him. His eyes were thoughtful, and very sad.

"I feel quite selfish right now."

The way he was looking at me caused a lump in my throat. I managed to force it down. "Why is that?"

"I wish to ask you not to leave."

I pursed my lips at him. He didn't make any sense. "But you sent for the Jedi. You knew I would leave with them. Why would you ask me not to?"

He didn't answer. He didn't move. He didn't do anything, in fact, for what seemed like forever, making me wonder if he even _knew_ why. That's when I felt his hand on the side of my face. It didn't feel as bad as I would have expected.

"I'll miss you, Lana."

I felt my mouth open in surprise. "Miss me?" I suppose I realized my father would miss me, but the fact that anyone else might never crossed my mind.

He pulled his hand away, letting his fingers slide down my jaw, which caused a shiver to run up my spine. What was going on? I did _not_ get swept away like this. I took a deep breath.

"Yes," he said gently and then frowned at me. "But I will not keep you here. This is what you want, right? You wanted to get out and see the galaxy. This is your chance." Suddenly, seeing the galaxy did not seem as enticing as it had in the past. I must truly have been losing my mind.

"Well, thank you, I guess." I smiled at him and stood up. "Thank you for making this all possible for me."

He stood up as well and took a step closer to me. I wondered what he was doing for a moment before he put his arms around me in a tentative and slightly awkward embrace. I hugged him back and heard him whisper "Goodbye, Lana," in my ear. We pulled away from each other and he grasped my hands again.

"Goodbye, Bowen." I squeezed his hands before I let go. I started to walk away and, as an afterthought, turned back around. "I'll miss you too."

As I turned again to walk away, I felt him grab my hand and pull me back to face him. Before I could ask what he was doing, his free hand was around my back and I felt, for the first time in my life, what it was like to be kissed. It happened so suddenly, I couldn't even think. Then, almost as quickly as it had happened, it was over. Bowen stepped back and placed a hand on my cheek again. The look in his eyes was so tender, so sad, it made my chest hurt in an unexpected burst of emotions.

"Goodbye, Lana," he whispered, before turning quickly and disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

_Yay__! Less than a month to update! And I've already started on the next chapter. Hooray for me!_

**MistiWhitesun**: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like this! I didn't mean to come across that women weren't allowed to be Jedi, just that that was Lana's perception of the galaxy. I'm going to go and see if I can fix that to make it clearer. It's on my list. The time frame of this is ten-ish years before the Empire blew up Alderaan.

**Mercurial1**: Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for the grammar help. I have comma issues. I usually had too many, and I think I've been overcompensating lately. I'm going to go back and fix that. It's also on my list. :)

**Darren**: Who said anything about the dark side? Thanks for the review!


	8. New Beginnings

The next few days went by in a blur. There were things to pack and proof of Alderaanian citizenship to apply for. Yes, I spent my whole life without it – who would have thought I was actually going to leave. Certainly not me.

I hardly had time to breathe, but when I did, my thoughts almost always seemed to turn to Bowen. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him again or not. Part of me wanted to leave it as it was, thinking that any further goodbye would not be as good as the original. The other part of me wanted to go up to him and smack him for what he did and how it made me think about him every free minute I had.

At least it took my mind off my father.

For anybody who has ever said I am uncaring and cold, I say they can take a royal spear and, well, you can use your imagination. My father put on a good act – nobody would have known how sad he was about my leaving – but I could see right through it. It was the one thing that was making me have second thoughts about running off to be a Jedi.

Well, maybe not the only thing.

Anyway, eventually he must have been able to tell that it was affecting me because he confronted me about it. We were having dinner the night before I was scheduled to leave. The conversation remained light throughout dinner until the very end.

"Lana, if something is troubling you, it would be best if we talked about it."

I studied him for a moment, trying to figure out if he knew something, or if he was just grasping in the darkness. I decided to remain neutral.

"Nothing is bothering me, father. I'm just a little anxious about tomorrow."

He gave me a piercing look. "I will be all right."

"What?" His words had taken me completely by surprise.

He smiled and repeated, "I will be all right. Please, do not worry about me. I will be fine." He got up, came around the table and sat down next to me, placing an arm around my shoulders. "My little Lana… beneath that hard shell you have built for yourself, you are such a caring person. But do not worry. Go and enjoy yourself."

I felt a lump in my throat and I leaned in and hugged my father. He truly was an amazing person. "I will, father. And I'll come back and visit whenever they let me."

He laughed and I pulled back and looked at him. "Oh Lana, as much as you don't want to hear it, you truly are a sweet, sentimental woman."

I tried to look offended as he laughed and hugged me again.

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The next morning, the three Jedi Masters came by my house fairly early, but we were ready. My father decided, and the Jedi agreed, that he would say goodbye at the house. He did not think he would be able to watch as I boarded the ship or as it took off, taking his "little girl" away.

So after a highly emotional parting, which I refuse to recount, the three Jedi and I made our way into the heart of the city to where their ship was docked. It was not supposed to be a huge public affair, but when we got to docking bay 37, there was a huge crowd gathered around. Apparently having one of their own picked by the Jedi was a big deal to the Alderaanian people.

I'm belittling it – it actually _was_ a big deal, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I was extremely excited, nervous and anxious, as well as a variety of other emotions. I rubbed my palms on the sides of my legs as I walked, trying not to think about what was happening, lest I lose my nerve. Rather than look at the ship in front of me, I scanned the crowd. I saw Mairi and Selia standing by their fathers, pouting. I saw my old teacher not far away from them, waving and smiling.

I did not see Bowen.

I tried to overcome disappointment that welled in my chest by telling myself that it was better that way. If he had been there, it would have just made it harder. Steeling myself against the letdown I was feeling, I turned to the Jedi.

"I am ready."

Jedi Master Widen smiled kindly at me. "Are you?" His gaze was so piercing I felt as if he could read my mind. "Or do you still wait for someone?"

My mouth dropped open in shock and I saw all three smiling at my astonishment. Well, it was nice to see that even Jedi were able to amuse themselves at my expense. Before I could say anything, Jedi Lotessa put her hand on my arm.

"Do not worry. He comes."

"Who? What?" I was not sure what else to say. I know I sounded idiotic, but I couldn't help it. My heart started beating faster and I felt my palms get even sweatier. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She didn't answer, but smiled and nodded her head to the left of where I was standing. I spun around to look and, realizing how over-eager I must appear, I tried to affect a nonchalant pose. That didn't work so well; not once I saw him.

He was pushing through the crowd, trying to run and being held up by the throng of people. His frantic attempt to reach me made me smile. I saw him wave and after a few more pushes he reached me, slightly out of breath. As I waited for him to catch his breath, I felt Jedi Widen's hand on my shoulder.

"We are boarding the ship. Please follow when you are finished here." Although his face remained expressionless, I saw his eyes dance. He motioned to the other two and the Jedi turned as one and walked up the ramp into the ship that would take me away from my home. I stood looking after them for a few moments before I turned back to Bowen. Seeing him here, right before I left, stripped me of any eloquence I may have possessed.

"Hello."

"Hello," he repeated, and then looked around as if he only just then noticed the crowd of people around us. "I had wanted to catch you before you left your house."

I shrugged and smiled apologetically as I gestured towards the ship. "They wanted to get an early start."

"Oh." Silence. We stood there without speaking for what seemed like eternity. Finally I felt I should say something to get the conversation moving before the Jedi came out to see if I had changed my mind.

"So I guess this is it." I saw him swallow before answering.

"Yes, I guess so." What, did he run here just to stand in front of me and answer me with short answers? I _would_ have been better off if we had just left it with the last goodbye. This awkwardness was making me uncomfortable. Not to mention the strange looks that we were getting from everybody in the crowd. Not that I cared what people thought or said; I was leaving. But Bowen had to live with these people. I decided to spare him any further embarrassment.

"Well, I should board the ship, they're waiting for me." Nothing. "Ok. I'll see you the next time I'm on-planet." Silence. I folded my arms in front of me and waited for him to make some kind of move. He didn't. It was time for me to go. I lowered my voice as I said, "Goodbye, Bowen."

I turned to walk away and heard him call out behind me. "Lana, wait!" I faced him and folded my arms back across my chest.

"Yes?"

"I came here this morning because I wanted to give you something." He reached into his shirt and pulled out a necklace, slipping it over his head. He held it out so I could see it.

"Oh, Bowen, it's beautiful!" It was a round medallion with the Alderaanian crest on it. I looked up and saw his eyes filled with sadness. "I can't take this from you!"

"Please," he whispered, "take it. I want you to have it." He reached out and slipped it over my head, allowing it to hang around my neck. "This way you can…this way you will…"

I hugged him so he didn't have to finish, since he seemed to be having trouble with the words. "I'll think of you whenever I wear it."

He pulled back and held my shoulders in his hands. "Wear it always then." He looked like he was about to say something else, but instead just stood there.

"I will." I bit my lip, not wanting to turn and leave, but knowing that the time had come. "I have to go, Bowen."

He nodded slowly. "I know." He pulled a folded piece of parchment from his pocket. "Take this too. Read it once you have left." He took a deep breath and continued in a barely audible whisper. "I will miss you, Lana." Before I had a chance to respond, he turned and walked quickly away, disappearing easily into the crowd.

I stood where he left me for a moment, looking after him and turning the parchment over in my hands. Finally, when I knew I couldn't put it off any longer, I turned and walked up the ramp to the ship.

* * *

_Wow, it's been a while. Real life sort of got in the way of my writing. Well, real life and the fact that I have 6 different stories in process right now that I have to divide my time on. Add that to the fact that my OFC muse was being a little brat, and it takes me over a month to update._

_Oh well, I hope it was worth the wait. Hopefully in the next chapter or so the action should pick up, since she is going to be training to be a Jedi. Just had to get her there first._

**Mercurial**: Yes, the kiss was nice, wasn't it? …and fun to write as well. But this is _not_ going to be a romance! I swear! (Of course, the more I try to fight it, the more my muses push it, which is why I'm not getting along with them so much right now. I mean seriously, what part of "no romance" do my muses not understand?)

**MistiWhitesun**: Thanks for the review. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

**Lena**** Breeze**: I'm so glad you found this story and that you like it so much! I always try to keep my characters believable, even when they're OFCs. If they ever aren't, I hope you'll let me know!

**Darren**: She likes him, he likes her, and now you're quoting Star Wars. There are just new surprises every day… Thanks for the review – but why can't you follow both?


	9. Jedi Academy

_Lana,_

_I'm not sure how to start this, other than to just start. I don't know what may have happened if you had stayed here, but after speaking to the Jedi, I know that nothing can ever happen now. They have told me that to be a Jedi, you are committed only to the Jedi Order, and not to another person. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad we became friends, and I know that's all we were, and that's good, because that's all we ever will be, and that's fine with me._

_Yours,  
__Bowen_

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Well, I guess in the long run it made it easier, but I was not someone you'd want to be around for the first hour or so of the trip to Coruscant, after having read the letter. I don't know what I expected, but certainly not that. I barely waited to clear the ground before I tore into that letter. Afterwards, I wished I had waited. Then I would have at least been able to savor the excitement of my trip for a little while before being hit with the unexpected disappointment of Bowen's message.

We arrived on Coruscant after some very uneventful and unexciting space travel. I had always imagined traversing the galaxy to be exhilarating, and it was in the beginning, but seriously, once you've seen one patch of stars, you've pretty much seen them all.

You know, he didn't have to use such a cold tone. I mean, I understand that we're only ever going to be friends – if anything – but he could have at least sounded disappointed.

Anyway, after arriving on Coruscant, we met up with some other prospective students and the Jedi that had brought them. They had us enter information about ourselves into the central computer and then they herded us into a small room with little comfy fluffy chairs in it. There were 5 of us in all. I was by far the oldest. We stood around looking at each other, all too nervous to sit down.

After a few minutes, the door slid open. We turned as one and I got my first glimpse of Master Yoda. I can't even begin to know how to describe him. I could say he was small, but that's not right. Truer than that would be to say he was larger than life, for although he was short in stature, he exuded this immense strength and wisdom that preceded him into the room.

He hobbled into the room, leaning heavily on a cane, but never gave the impression of weakness, which was incredible to me. "My young padawan apprentices, welcome to the Jedi Adademy." He sat down on one of the chairs, releasing his cane. Then, to my utmost surprise, it floated gracefully across the room and rested against a far wall. I must have looked shocked because Master Yoda turned to me with a smile. "Surprised, are you, Lana?" Before I could react, he turned to one of the boys, "Frightened, are you, Dolan?"

Looking around the room at all of us one by one, he seemed to read our feelings as if we had spoken them out loud. When he was through, he indicated the chairs behind us. "Be seated. More comfortable you will become." We all turned and sat. "Tomorrow, your training you begin. Today, get to know one another we will."

There were several uncomfortable groans, one of which may have come from me. But get to know each other we did. There was Dolan, the youngest of the group, who, along with his friend Merric, was from Corellia. There was also a reptilian-looking humanoid – I had to try hard not to stare – who spoke very broken Basic. I could never understand what planet he said he came from, or what species he was, but his name was something like Dpflelnei. We called him Dip.

Aside from me, there was another female; a Selonian from Talus named Inara. She had come with the two Corellians, and they were already quite friendly with each other, but they extended their circle to include Dip and me without hesitation. Then it was my turn.

They all seemed impressed when I said I was from Alderaan and my father was one of the Royal Guard. Who would have ever thought that would get me any kind of admiration? But Master Yoda was silent for a moment, looking intently at me until I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"Know the princess, did you?" His question startled me. Why would this Jedi Master be asking after the Royal Family of my home planet? He only seemed politely interested in the others' home worlds.

I wasn't sure how to respond so as usually happened, my mouth spoke of its own accord. "Sort of." He screwed his features into a grimace and made a "humpf" sound, causing me to feel that I should go on. "I mean, I knew who she was. I may have said 'hello' once or twice." Apparently satisfied with my answer, he turned back to the group and started talking about classes and schedules, but my mind only half listened. Did it matter who I knew? If I didn't know her so well, were they going to send me back, my class too low to be a Jedi?

Eventually Master Yoda dismissed us to our dormitories to unpack and settle in, but he stopped me before I could exit the room.

"Lana, trouble yourself over my questions you should not. Innocent curiosity only, they were." He nodded his head firmly and I smiled, less worried about what he had asked and appreciative that he would make the effort to reassure me. He reached out his hand and his cane flew back to him. As he stood he addressed me one last time. "Go with the others. Good friends you will become." He shooed me out the door and I hurried in the direction the other padawans had gone.

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Our training did indeed begin the next day, but it was not nearly what I had expected. There were classes in history, ethics, language, diplomacy and government. That was about half of our day. The other half was spent in the same room where we had introduced ourselves, sitting in our fluffy little chairs in front of Master Yoda, and "reaching out" with our feelings. It was quite interesting. I was really not very good at it. Every once in a while, one of the Jedi would come into these sessions and we would have to "reach out" and feel them, trying to determine feelings, moods and the like. I was trying, I really was.

It was only after six months that we began what I had imagined Jedi training to be. We were issued "trainers" – light sabers that would not harm you if they came in contact with you, except for a small welt on your skin. There were remotes that would send out little laser blasts that we had to block with the trainer. And we were blindfolded. I usually went home with several laser burns after each session.

After another six months of the same academic classes, and sessions with the remote, they thought us ready to begin sparring with actual partners. I was often paired up with Dip, since his skin was so thick and my aim was rather dangerous. I had blistered up enough sparring partners that they finally took pity on everyone else. Master Widen usually led the sessions, which, for the most part, went something like this.

"Padawan, trainers at the ready. On my mark. Three. Two. One. Spar. Good parry, Dolan. Watch that rear guard position, Dip. Easy, Lana, concentrate. Relax, Lana. Oh, watch that, Dip, are you alright? Yes? Careful next time, Lana. Good, Merric, good form. Lana, you are sparring, not trying to take his head off. Dip, are you ok?"

Well, you get the idea. We went through another full year of classes and training, and I had the pleasure of watching three of my fellow padawans move on to individual training with a Jedi Master, in preparation for their trials. Me? I got held back in training because I did not "open myself" enough. And Dip needed to stay back because of the academics. I think the language barrier was a problem for him. But we made the most of it, and became closer friends because of it.

Dip and I continued training for another two years with a new group of padawans. As they moved on and the two of us were again left behind, I began to wonder if I should just throw in my trainer and go back home. I mean, I had made some progress – I was able to move things without being angry now, somewhat controlled – but I was not near where they wanted me to be, and I wasn't getting any younger.

I was sitting in my room one night, trying to decide if I wanted to pack then or in the morning to catch the next shuttle out when Master Lotessa came in to see me.

"Lana, are you busy. Can I speak to you?"

I stood up and indicated a seat next to me. "Of course, Master Lotessa."

She sat down in the chair and I sat back on my bed where I had been. "Lana, I'm going to be honest with you. When we asked you to join us, we saw something in you, but you are holding back. You have been holding back since you arrived." She paused and took a breath. "There was talk of asking you to leave, but I pleaded with the council to give you one last chance. I can help you open up. You can do this."

I stood up. If they wanted me to leave, I would be more than happy to oblige. I wasn't going to stay where I wasn't wanted. "Obviously I can't. Maybe it's best if I do leave."

Master Lotessa sighed as she stood up and put a hand on my shoulder. "That is not what you want, and we both know that. Tell me why you hold back and I can help you."

I took a minute to try and formulate and answer. While I was thinking, Dip burst in the room.

"Lana, we leave!"

I glanced at Master Lotessa who was looking at me encouragingly. I smiled at Dip. "No, Dip. I'm going to stay. I'm going to do this."

"No, Lana!" He grabbed my hand and Master Lotessa's hand. "We leave. Master Yoda say leave now."

I looked nervously at Master Lotessa, who had closed her eyes and was "reaching out" as I had so often tried to do. After a few moments she opened her eyes and spoke calmly, though even _I_ could feel her unease. "There is danger and…death. Everyone is leaving, we must go too."

"Yes, yes, leave!" Dip yelled and pulled us out of the room.

As we ran down the corridor, I almost expected a battle to erupt and my fledgling Jedi skills to be put to the test, but no such thing happened. The only indicator that anything was even amiss was the occasional red light, flashing silently along our path. We reached a ship without incident and the three of us were soon flying through the heavy evening traffic of Coruscant.

Then everything happened at once. I heard Dip yelling, "We followed, we followed!" I heard a shout from the cockpit to grab hold of something and I felt a blaster hit to the side of the ship. I fell to the side, smashing my elbow and head against a console and my last thought as everything went black was that I should have packed this evening.

* * *

_Ok, so it's been a little over a month. I submit to you my excuses: I was on vacation. The sun was in my eyes. The wind was blowing the wrong way. My muses went and abandoned me. I actually had work to do at work. _

_Alright, I'm done. Thanks reviewers, for reviewing and for your patience with my lack of updates._

**MistiWhitesun**: I'm glad you're enjoying the first person. I kind of like it myself. Prevents a lot of the POV issues I usually have when writing in third. I seem to go in spurts with updates. I'll update a lot of stuff, and then nothing for a while, then a lot, well, you get the idea.

**Alice**** the Raven**: I'm glad you liked the story! First person is easier than third in some ways and harder in others. I always have fuzzy POV, so first keeps me honest. Hope you enjoyed the rest as much as the first chapter!

**Mercurial1**: Ha. No professing. No undying love. Ha. I did a _whole chapter_ with no romantic overtones. I'm so very proud of myself right now. --pats herself on back-- My muses are rebelling, but I'm proud. And there was even a little action in this one. A little. It was a lot for me. I'm trying to put more in future chapters. And as for romance, what do you think about reptilian humanoids named Dip? Oh I'm just kidding.

**LtSonya**: Love-hate romances? I've _never_ written one of those before. --grins-- Anyway, thanks for coming over and reviewing. Hmm, so you don't understand Bowen's motives? And you're asking lots of questions? Could it be you're looking for another one of my stories to beta? Could it? Hmm? --bats eyes-- This one has no beta as of yet…


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